Giving P
From: Steve Bakker
Subject: P-Giving: an explanation
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003
Sorry, robots and associates, I'll probably sound like some sort of hippie-lunatic for saying this, but I'm all for changing the Thx-giving day we all grew up with to the less offensive P-Giving day. But this isn't without reasons. Perhaps you do not comprehend well enough the underlying considerations for this change.
You were right that us crazy liberals think "thanks" is an offensive, outmoded, religiously exclusive and altogether brutish word. Being "thankful" is not universally inclusive; it threatens to segregate and overpower certain atypical sectors of the population, namely the Resentful classes. What are those who have nothing to be thankful for, or don't WANT to be thankful to do on Thanksgiving day? Under the dominant gracio-centric social construct of contemporary America, the only thing the resentful minority can do is hide inside their homes, lock their doors, and eat EasyMac and Cheese without the lights on, in hopes that the rabid masses won't discover and persecute them. The resentful minority risks losing its freedom to hole up inside and seethe with ill feelings toward his or her fellow men or women, him- or herself, the world at large, or God or no-God as he or she understands Him or Her or no-Him or no-Her.
We must live in harmonious disunity with our resentful brethren and sistren; we must not allow institutionalized gratitude to mitigate their contributory worth any longer. Resentful people are people too; they have just as much right to piss and moan as others to to praise and rejoice. Our communities can only be benefited by the diversity and special attributes they have to offer to the whole. The resentful minority's ingratefulness can teach us to be more sour when we might
otherwise become excessively cheerful. They can tell us that everything we do is crap, and in doing so undercut the bloated Power of Pride that Americans so deeply and thoughtlessly cherish. If we donot tolerate the resentful, who will they have left to spite and cast blame upon? It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a resentful child to shun his or her village, but it takes a village to be a sustaining object of a resentful child's shunning. That this resentment-affirmation dynamic is necessary and cooperative with human nature should be self-evident. Only a mentally-ill person (who needs medical treatment and love) would think
otherwise. We ought to seek dichotomous cohabitation through the celebration or non-celebration of our "Holidays" (soon to be changed to P-Days).
THANKSgiving does not comport with the oft-overlooed yet very real and essential resentful-affirming cultural dynamic. Enter P-Giving. The concept of "P" was developed soon after last Thanksgiving as by a team of religious leaders from various faiths, top atheist thinkers, ethicists, counter-ethicists, social scientists, metaphysicists, regular physicists and the Lords of Chaos Bikers, whose collaborative/countercollaborative, federally subsidized mission was to come up with a concept that unifies and correlates every sphere of possible contrary human attitude.
Their mission was a success.
"P" can embrace any system of beliefs or any condition of the heart.
"P" represents
"Pseudo-contra-holi-seculo-attitudinal Unification" (the "U" for "Unification" is silent), but in reality "P" can mean many things. For now it is unnecessary do delve into the depths of higher P-theory, into the realms of Psi-giving, Pterodactoform-giving, or the abstract mathematics of the Negative P conundrum. For the sake of this argument I'll stick to P's "P"ractical applications. For the thankful majority, "P" can still mean "Praise". For the resentful, it can mean "Pouting", or "Pissing and moaning". For the carnivorous masses it can mean "Poultry." For the vegan, "Pstrictly non-animal". Even those who by nature or circumstance do not believe in GIVING are included under "P". Take, for instance, the non-celebration of "Preclude-giving" by several sects of the Self-Satisfactarians. Any position taken in any spectrum--political,
spiritual, sexual--can conform or nonconform harmoniously to P-Giving Day. P can even mean urine.
Now that I have made it abundantly clear that P-Giving does not threaten Christians (or grateful people at large, or anyone anywhere) or their beliefs in any way, I do not see how even the hardest-hearted, emotionlessly calculating, artificially intelligent conservative extremist can take offense with it.
Therefore I find it appropriate to wish you all a circumstantially satisfactory P-Giving.
Subject: P-Giving: an explanation
Date: Tue, 11 Nov 2003
Sorry, robots and associates, I'll probably sound like some sort of hippie-lunatic for saying this, but I'm all for changing the Thx-giving day we all grew up with to the less offensive P-Giving day. But this isn't without reasons. Perhaps you do not comprehend well enough the underlying considerations for this change.
You were right that us crazy liberals think "thanks" is an offensive, outmoded, religiously exclusive and altogether brutish word. Being "thankful" is not universally inclusive; it threatens to segregate and overpower certain atypical sectors of the population, namely the Resentful classes. What are those who have nothing to be thankful for, or don't WANT to be thankful to do on Thanksgiving day? Under the dominant gracio-centric social construct of contemporary America, the only thing the resentful minority can do is hide inside their homes, lock their doors, and eat EasyMac and Cheese without the lights on, in hopes that the rabid masses won't discover and persecute them. The resentful minority risks losing its freedom to hole up inside and seethe with ill feelings toward his or her fellow men or women, him- or herself, the world at large, or God or no-God as he or she understands Him or Her or no-Him or no-Her.
We must live in harmonious disunity with our resentful brethren and sistren; we must not allow institutionalized gratitude to mitigate their contributory worth any longer. Resentful people are people too; they have just as much right to piss and moan as others to to praise and rejoice. Our communities can only be benefited by the diversity and special attributes they have to offer to the whole. The resentful minority's ingratefulness can teach us to be more sour when we might
otherwise become excessively cheerful. They can tell us that everything we do is crap, and in doing so undercut the bloated Power of Pride that Americans so deeply and thoughtlessly cherish. If we donot tolerate the resentful, who will they have left to spite and cast blame upon? It takes a village to raise a child, and it takes a resentful child to shun his or her village, but it takes a village to be a sustaining object of a resentful child's shunning. That this resentment-affirmation dynamic is necessary and cooperative with human nature should be self-evident. Only a mentally-ill person (who needs medical treatment and love) would think
otherwise. We ought to seek dichotomous cohabitation through the celebration or non-celebration of our "Holidays" (soon to be changed to P-Days).
THANKSgiving does not comport with the oft-overlooed yet very real and essential resentful-affirming cultural dynamic. Enter P-Giving. The concept of "P" was developed soon after last Thanksgiving as by a team of religious leaders from various faiths, top atheist thinkers, ethicists, counter-ethicists, social scientists, metaphysicists, regular physicists and the Lords of Chaos Bikers, whose collaborative/countercollaborative, federally subsidized mission was to come up with a concept that unifies and correlates every sphere of possible contrary human attitude.
Their mission was a success.
"P" can embrace any system of beliefs or any condition of the heart.
"P" represents
"Pseudo-contra-holi-seculo-attitudinal Unification" (the "U" for "Unification" is silent), but in reality "P" can mean many things. For now it is unnecessary do delve into the depths of higher P-theory, into the realms of Psi-giving, Pterodactoform-giving, or the abstract mathematics of the Negative P conundrum. For the sake of this argument I'll stick to P's "P"ractical applications. For the thankful majority, "P" can still mean "Praise". For the resentful, it can mean "Pouting", or "Pissing and moaning". For the carnivorous masses it can mean "Poultry." For the vegan, "Pstrictly non-animal". Even those who by nature or circumstance do not believe in GIVING are included under "P". Take, for instance, the non-celebration of "Preclude-giving" by several sects of the Self-Satisfactarians. Any position taken in any spectrum--political,
spiritual, sexual--can conform or nonconform harmoniously to P-Giving Day. P can even mean urine.
Now that I have made it abundantly clear that P-Giving does not threaten Christians (or grateful people at large, or anyone anywhere) or their beliefs in any way, I do not see how even the hardest-hearted, emotionlessly calculating, artificially intelligent conservative extremist can take offense with it.
Therefore I find it appropriate to wish you all a circumstantially satisfactory P-Giving.
posted by Anonymous at 12:57 PM
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